incohérent

" Fuck you Hate You... Love You Need You "

Those are my feelings for now. Everything is so baffled up. My attention is wavering as the clouds in the sky pass by like sheep jumping over fences and people making headlines like a lime placed in thousands of lemons.

"Vous êtes froid comme l'enfer."

I isolate myself from the dangers of me. I'm trying to save myself from what I want. I'm trying to be reluctant to my inner demon's thoughts of prized possessions. I need to find my way back on land and in reality. I've wandered off too far. It was nice having a little walk but now somewhere in this place, I've got lost. Its frustrating because well, everything it seems to be is just..... it. There's no passion. No honesty. No spark. It's all dull.

" Leave me in the dark or stay with me "

Darkness is the place I've been in for the past recent months. I don't know, I just woke up and the lens in my eyes have all been blurred.  The things I look at now are either blurred or in black and white.  I fell for you but I didn't know I feel for your reflection... or your shadow. I see more of your shadow than your reflection.  I guess I was blinded by your silhouette instead of your true identity. I once praised God for new beginnings but now its a bitter end and I guess we both know why.

" envier "


No matter how much I've moved on, this tiny bit of my damned heart will always have you in it. It still hurts to see
you with him. I can't figure out why. I guess it was the way you made me feel? Did it feel good to make me feel less
than what I actually am ? Love is may be just another ho-hum word. But it needs two people to make it a wonderful
sculpture or a painting. Happiness defines love, it was never about physical appearance, it was always about
two people making each other happy till the end of their time.




LA FIN.

Meeting Myself Halfway

Time flies fast, like seriously. It's June already and the next thing you know, it'll be Christmas. Well, my exams are well, screwed up. I've improved and I've dropped - massively. I just spent two weeks of basically doing nothing and laying on my bed, in the hidden walls away from the reality's light while  listening to Florence + The Machine. But sadly, that came to an end. I went to school. Got my results. Had semi-breakdowns and yeah, that's it.
What happened in school? Well, a lot said that I've gained weight, in another term, fat-ER. So, fatter, darker and angrier has what I've become. It's frustrating because one minute, they're asking me to lose weight and the next, they're thinking I wanna go all anorexic. I just don't know what they want, basically. I have had these critiques for years but I don't seem to show any emotions - that's what they think. It has hurt m before and it still does. Why? Because it is about me. I still do feel ignored and I do feel like an outcast whenever I hang out with my friends. They're all beautiful and handsome and yeah, you get what I mean. I don't really stand out. I'm just this quiet one. It kinda sucks to live at times knowing that no matter how hard you try to make your world revolve around yourself, it fails because when you've built gigantic walls against them, their voices can still be heard and when you're the only one in that void and you're all by yourself, you can only seek solace in yourself. And that sucks because one thing about being independent is, you have to constantly rely on yourself. Not always but most of the time. So I am now working on myself. Its not for them, it was never for them. I just want to feel good about myself for once.
And now it comes back to you, not seeing you for two weeks has been................... bittersweet. The bitter part was that I missed you and the sweet part was my mind was blocked from you for a few days. If I could turn back time, I would. And I would slap some sense into me and make myself turn into the other direction. I don't know. It's just... we don't talk, we don't say Hi or Bye, we never hang out and we never smile at each other. So why am I sad? Why am I sad even though we were never close? I still haven't figured that out. But yeah, of course you and I will never happen. If I ever see anyone dating you or whatsoever, I want that person to realize how lucky that person really is to have a human like you.
And me? I've indulged myself in the art of poetry. I write them everyday while listening to Foster The People or Florence or y'know, the works. Well, I guess that's it. Just studying, improving and waiting for the fourth season of The Vampire Diaries. Cheerio.