Dissociation

You're right there in front of me. I didn't know what to do. My heart was beating fast, my stomach dropped, my mind was racing. I could feel the adrenaline in my veins, all rushing into my anorexic heart. Sometimes I forget the source of which these feelings came from. It only happened when my eyes catch a glimpse of you or my thoughts being invaded by you. It was wild, intense, scary and exciting. An internal holocaust inside of me. Mad chaos and extreme desire. But all of that is hidden under a poker face. The world seemed to be blocked out and my eyes just gazed right through you. I'm in a great relationship with my solitude but when lonely interferes, rebellion takes over. Lost in the woods and you're hiding in a veil of darkness. Only a vixen could save me from myself. Secrets haunt me and that's why I'm awake. I dig up the dead to find for answers. All the answers were volatile. Embellishments of fear, curiosity and excitement made its mark. Hence, I forgot the source of which I came from. Father, forgive me. These dreams seemed to have sucked me into this big void of discombobulating chaos. Searching for that person and seeking for some answers. And as I waited, it found me before I did.. and the carousel spins even faster..