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22 December, 2012

Within A Winner

So I've collected my results. Went to school at 10 because they said that the results will be distributed after 10. Went there and they've announced that it would be given at 11.30. I was annoyed. Sure, it was after 10 but I did not expect it to go that far. Anyway,I just caught up with my friends whom I have not seen in 2 months and yeah, we just hung out. As the minutes went by like a gust of wind, my heart raced faster, beat louder and my tummy felt like it was infested with flesh-eating zombie butterflies. Of course, all of those completed with a deluded mind. Anyway, I was talking to my homies until, I saw that person. Trouble beeped. I just shrugged it off and proceeded to take my results. My heart was gonna pound right out of my chest.. I got 5As and 2Bs. I could've done better. I was grateful anyway. I ditched the hall. As I was replying the texts I've been receiving for a job well done, I found myself at the school's office. Then I heard it. My name. That voice. Those eyes. I just kept my cool although I was having a huge adrenaline rush, like I was gonna drive myself off a cliff. Die. I just kept calm and talked casually. Then as the conversation slowly died, I felt a tense presence of overwhelming awkwardness and attraction pondering around the atmosphere. I knew I had to get out of there because I didn't want to fall back into that place. The place of a one-man game. I admit, I do miss that person but at the same time, it was also good that I had not seen or be in contact with it. Now, I'm just trying to shrug these feelings off and trying to tell myself that I am content with loneliness and that I can make it through all by myself, without love or anyone. The searing heat of the sunlight frying my skin, making me get the most sunlight I've ever gotten in 2 months. I just casually walked off, leaving that person there. I thought to myself, that bitch left me hanging most of the time. I got my first level of vengeance. It was about vengeance - tinged with love.

I reached home. Got more congratulating for the day. Hours flew by and it was bedtime. As I lay in my bed, I took out the school's magazine that I've received. I flipped through the pages and also came across some pictures of that specific person. Memories came flooding back and then it hit me. I had succeeded academically. I've got all excellent for my projects. I got this damn certificate. I got to see my friends. I am all grateful and thankful for that, but I still feel this sense of emptiness mixed with loneliness. The book drops to the ground and the lights go out...

15 December, 2012

Darkness beaming

I'M BACK. Where have I been? Home. Sleeping. Chilling on my own. Breathing the air of sanity. Diving into the incandescence of life where I live the remnants of my freedom. Where have I been spiritually? Hell and heaven. I've decided to get over that certain someone. I mean... I think there's another person. Those two used to have a history together.... and they still do.. So I'm backing off... So that the one I've been loving deeply can finally be happy again as it has been tough for that someone. But if that infidel ever breaks that person's heart, I'll snap its head like a twig, and you know I will. I have also stopped caring... much. I still do care because I'm human, which is just not right.. I loved so much and each time I do, I get hurt... to the max. I may seem like an emotionless brick wall, but I do have feelings. I'm always... somehow.. the one who's always loving more. It tears me that no one will ever have mutual feelings as I do... for them. Anyway, I don't want to get in all that.. it's just.. not cool.

Well, the 19th is coming soon. It's kinda like the apocalypse of my own world. My PMR results will be out and I'm just nervous at the same time. I'm hoping for the best. Some of my friends are leaving. For instance, the phenomenal @viwern and @hazel. I don't really deal with my emotions and I basically just shove 'em in an imaginary box and just hide it in the back of my head. It's just.. I don't like change. I've always envisioned my whole entire groupie to be together till Form 5. It just sucks. But I won't really show my emotions. It's important to always have a tough exterior, because that way, you won't get taken advantage of. Can't believe I'm actually saying this but, I think I'm gonna miss them. Friends for life, biatches!

Been shopping lately. Purchasing some rad stuff that I think, in my opinion and taste, is me. I did buy more, by the way. Just didn't take any photos of it. Also got a black watch( Black is my obsession.), one ebony leopard print Tee and white airline printed Tee. Gonna get ready for school soon, which is in like two weeks. Time sure flies when you're doing nothing. Ciao.

Cotton On shoes in Electric Blue.

My soul needed this.

Awesome, enthralling books for the wicked minded.