Within A Winner

So I've collected my results. Went to school at 10 because they said that the results will be distributed after 10. Went there and they've announced that it would be given at 11.30. I was annoyed. Sure, it was after 10 but I did not expect it to go that far. Anyway,I just caught up with my friends whom I have not seen in 2 months and yeah, we just hung out. As the minutes went by like a gust of wind, my heart raced faster, beat louder and my tummy felt like it was infested with flesh-eating zombie butterflies. Of course, all of those completed with a deluded mind. Anyway, I was talking to my homies until, I saw that person. Trouble beeped. I just shrugged it off and proceeded to take my results. My heart was gonna pound right out of my chest.. I got 5As and 2Bs. I could've done better. I was grateful anyway. I ditched the hall. As I was replying the texts I've been receiving for a job well done, I found myself at the school's office. Then I heard it. My name. That voice. Those eyes. I just kept my cool although I was having a huge adrenaline rush, like I was gonna drive myself off a cliff. Die. I just kept calm and talked casually. Then as the conversation slowly died, I felt a tense presence of overwhelming awkwardness and attraction pondering around the atmosphere. I knew I had to get out of there because I didn't want to fall back into that place. The place of a one-man game. I admit, I do miss that person but at the same time, it was also good that I had not seen or be in contact with it. Now, I'm just trying to shrug these feelings off and trying to tell myself that I am content with loneliness and that I can make it through all by myself, without love or anyone. The searing heat of the sunlight frying my skin, making me get the most sunlight I've ever gotten in 2 months. I just casually walked off, leaving that person there. I thought to myself, that bitch left me hanging most of the time. I got my first level of vengeance. It was about vengeance - tinged with love.

I reached home. Got more congratulating for the day. Hours flew by and it was bedtime. As I lay in my bed, I took out the school's magazine that I've received. I flipped through the pages and also came across some pictures of that specific person. Memories came flooding back and then it hit me. I had succeeded academically. I've got all excellent for my projects. I got this damn certificate. I got to see my friends. I am all grateful and thankful for that, but I still feel this sense of emptiness mixed with loneliness. The book drops to the ground and the lights go out...

Darkness beaming

I'M BACK. Where have I been? Home. Sleeping. Chilling on my own. Breathing the air of sanity. Diving into the incandescence of life where I live the remnants of my freedom. Where have I been spiritually? Hell and heaven. I've decided to get over that certain someone. I mean... I think there's another person. Those two used to have a history together.... and they still do.. So I'm backing off... So that the one I've been loving deeply can finally be happy again as it has been tough for that someone. But if that infidel ever breaks that person's heart, I'll snap its head like a twig, and you know I will. I have also stopped caring... much. I still do care because I'm human, which is just not right.. I loved so much and each time I do, I get hurt... to the max. I may seem like an emotionless brick wall, but I do have feelings. I'm always... somehow.. the one who's always loving more. It tears me that no one will ever have mutual feelings as I do... for them. Anyway, I don't want to get in all that.. it's just.. not cool.

Well, the 19th is coming soon. It's kinda like the apocalypse of my own world. My PMR results will be out and I'm just nervous at the same time. I'm hoping for the best. Some of my friends are leaving. For instance, the phenomenal @viwern and @hazel. I don't really deal with my emotions and I basically just shove 'em in an imaginary box and just hide it in the back of my head. It's just.. I don't like change. I've always envisioned my whole entire groupie to be together till Form 5. It just sucks. But I won't really show my emotions. It's important to always have a tough exterior, because that way, you won't get taken advantage of. Can't believe I'm actually saying this but, I think I'm gonna miss them. Friends for life, biatches!

Been shopping lately. Purchasing some rad stuff that I think, in my opinion and taste, is me. I did buy more, by the way. Just didn't take any photos of it. Also got a black watch( Black is my obsession.), one ebony leopard print Tee and white airline printed Tee. Gonna get ready for school soon, which is in like two weeks. Time sure flies when you're doing nothing. Ciao.

Cotton On shoes in Electric Blue.

My soul needed this.

Awesome, enthralling books for the wicked minded.

FREE

So, my PMR is done. It was okay actually. Not that hard.. or easy. Just hope I'd score 7As. Want those two months of studying to pay off. Well, it was the last day of school.. Said goodbye to my friends.. some of them were staying and some were transferring.. A shout out to my homie, Viwern.. she's been an incredible friend of mine for the past 3 years. Though it were bumps in the long run but we still made it closer than ever. WHEREVER YOU'RE GOING, GOOD LUCK AND YOU WILL BE MISSED, BIATCH X. And as for that person who already transferred (yraM), well, you were never my friend. I used to think we were but never. You kinda brought it upon yourself so whatever.. As for that person, yeah I'm really gonna miss that someone.. Really.. I just hope that that person would make it alive despite its tendencies of committing suicide. " If you need to talk, find me, because I won't ever give up on you, even if you gave up on yourself.. "Loewe you X.



As for me, I'm bored out of my mind... Just living one day at a time.. It's been tough, no doubt but yeah.. It's Halloween and I did some face painting and a bit of light adjustments.. It's not that great but I just did for the heck of it..

I'll do it.. in exchange for your soul....

X

So.. that's about it.. Will keep ya'll posted. In the meantime, Imma get started on The X Factor US and The Vampire Diaries. Carpe Diem! (lamely cool)

lost forever

" and we scream and scream and scream until the remnants of our crippled hearts turn into ashes but still, no one acknowledges. They hear us, but they don't listen.. It's tough and discombobulating when we're left out in the wilderness of our own solitude.. we follow tracks and paths to finding true happiness, not knowing that there could be someone to help you out as you go along the way. we all try to wander deep into that forest.. we're all lonesome vagabonds seeking foundation of truth and where it hides when actually, the truth lies within you.. people can take everything from you but they can never take away your truth. we're eager to accept what's nice and to look forward to seeing what we want to see when we know the reality of our souls.. the ugly side... the dark pigments in our spotless image. we spend years trying to making fallacies of what was already made and trying to accept what God has made. We find raw human emotions as we get tired of pretending. We feel a humongous wave breaking that solid wall made of emotionless bricks. And that's when we become raw humans.. To let our emotions marionette us throughout times of dawn and dusk. Before we know it, we find ourselves in the midst of being in the revelation of love. Some people love us for who we are - when in fact, we can't love ourselves. We take oaths just to let people.. love into our lives.. To drown ourselves in sensory pleasure.. To explore.. to love and to experience the vindication of our own rights to live.. Androids used to be humans too, until they stopped caring. To feel something.. to feel again after a long time, in another dimension, we feel as if our souls have been strapped to the Earth again.. And until then, I'm still in the midst of exploring and finding a another fragment of my heart from somewhere in this large,venturesome universe of apprehension and deluded consciences. "

Trapped In Mars

If you don't see me blogging, find me in tumblr - virtually.
http://my-deluded-conscience.tumblr.com/ Check it out to get an insight of my deluded mind.

Xs.

Dissociation

You're right there in front of me. I didn't know what to do. My heart was beating fast, my stomach dropped, my mind was racing. I could feel the adrenaline in my veins, all rushing into my anorexic heart. Sometimes I forget the source of which these feelings came from. It only happened when my eyes catch a glimpse of you or my thoughts being invaded by you. It was wild, intense, scary and exciting. An internal holocaust inside of me. Mad chaos and extreme desire. But all of that is hidden under a poker face. The world seemed to be blocked out and my eyes just gazed right through you. I'm in a great relationship with my solitude but when lonely interferes, rebellion takes over. Lost in the woods and you're hiding in a veil of darkness. Only a vixen could save me from myself. Secrets haunt me and that's why I'm awake. I dig up the dead to find for answers. All the answers were volatile. Embellishments of fear, curiosity and excitement made its mark. Hence, I forgot the source of which I came from. Father, forgive me. These dreams seemed to have sucked me into this big void of discombobulating chaos. Searching for that person and seeking for some answers. And as I waited, it found me before I did.. and the carousel spins even faster..

Greetings From Mars

From the outside looking in.

Different flavors of the same flavor

Lost in the woods

And I'm back. been one heck of a month. Literally studied my brains off and the papers scared the Jesus out of me. Well all that hard work has paid off as so far I've gotten 2As 1B and 1C( curse BM ). Uncertain about the other ones though. Hope they'll be great.
Well I've gotten over that person. THANK YOU ALL SUPERNATURAL FORCES OF LOVE ! It's like whenever I see you, I don't feel anything. No skipping heartbeats, no demented smiles and no weird shenanigans.However, my " I don't like anybody " charade only went on for about a week or so. There's another person. Phuck, I know right? Ya'll must be portraying me as some kind of player but honestly, I'm not. And this whole thing is confusing.

           " Please get me out of this discombobulating carousel. "

I don't know, if it doesn't happen then I'm sure it's for a reason. I've already been through this for like a year and finally, I've been released from that prison sentence. And I guess I'm in trouble again - just waiting for the jury shoot me with that arrow.

I still don't know where my brain's at and my heart.  I'm still finding myself.  And people, I AM NOT A STUCK UP WHORE OR ANYTHING. I'M JUST SERIOUSLY SHY. It's how I am and if you can't deal with it, tough !

             " don't ever leave me in the dark... alone... with my mind... it's dangerous. "

I have this new insane obsession towards the Goth culture. I love Goths. they're awesome. My friends tell me that I'm pale. I feel like a n*gga if you ask me. LOL.

I went to watch Step Up Revolution with my friends and it was BEYOND AMAZING. The choreography, storyline was amazing. I loved it. We went to Sunway. As usual, I got my Starbucks coffee and we roamed around the mall like a bunch of vagabonds. We had fun. I got lost in Asian Avenue though. It may seem small but some things are bigger than you think. After that we went to have TGIF for lunch. We talked and laughed our asses off. One of them told me that I was really sarcastic. I don't notice it but all of them agreed. Apparently, I have this emotion-less voice. They can't determine whether if I'm just talking directly or indirectly insulting them. They said I was the male Kristin Stewart. LOL. I ain't no cheating hoebag. We had heaps of fun.

And I know I use a lot of metaphors in my writing. And the sentences in " Italy " font are written and created by me. Some people won't get it and ya know, whatever. Perks of being mysteriously demented.

Well, guess that's it for now. Gonna spend my one week of holidays studying and some human sacrifices. Buenos Dias !

Black rainbows and bloody rain

so I know it's been a month. sorry for that. been busy studying for my trials.
 anyway, not much happened, except for the following :

A chamber for Goths.
I've a new found obsession for Goths. Pale skin + dark clothing. Awesome.
 I've been trying to go extra light ( skin tone ) Not that I'm a freakishly tanned person. On a scale of one to ten, I'd have to say I'm a 3. Wanna break the chains that have strapped me to the Sun.
Malaysia's beaming rays are making it difficult for me to achieve my pale goal.
I'll work on it though. Oh and btw, <3 The Veronicas. Pretty Lolitas.

Minimizing hate.
Well, I did kinda resent my friend,Vi. I think her popularity has definitely
overshadowed our friendship. And I did sort of envy her a bit because
 she does have people flirting with her and stuff.
So do my guy friends and it kills that I don't have someone.
 I mean I couldn't care less about it but it would be nice. So,
I confronted her and yeah we're on a good track now. So yeah.

Forgetting you, définitivement.


You hadn't cross my mind at all - which is good. 
I am loveless at the moment and that's cool with me and hopefully
it'll stay that way so that nothing can get in my way of reaching my goals. 
After all, loving someone ain't mandatory
nor it's an obligation.




Bipolar unravelling.




It's quite hard to keep my feelings in check these days.
 One minute I'm euphoric and the next I'm suicidal.
But I hide all of it with a trusty mask to keep myself composed at all times.
 It's just necessary so that I won't have 
to explain myself to anyone. It's been tough but I'll get through it. #Optimism


An outcast.


Yeah I do feel like an outcast in my bunch of friends. 
I am this demented whale while they're all super awesome 
and good looking - in my perspective. 
It kinda hurts sometimes because all eyes are on them and I do get pushed 
aside. I'll be like at the corner reading some book,very quiet. 
That's me. I'm usually like that. Most teachers say
that and asked why am I so woebegone almost everytime &
 all I do is smirk because what was I suppose to say?
 I was born this way? Pfft.


Solving my way out of the maze.


I will eventually succeed and hopefully get 7 As for my PMR. 
I've been working hard for it and really, I want it to be 
superb. God's planning everything out for me 
and I never testify his plans because they're usually cool.


And I guess that's it for now. Will update in August(busy). bon débarras.

incohérent

" Fuck you Hate You... Love You Need You "

Those are my feelings for now. Everything is so baffled up. My attention is wavering as the clouds in the sky pass by like sheep jumping over fences and people making headlines like a lime placed in thousands of lemons.

"Vous êtes froid comme l'enfer."

I isolate myself from the dangers of me. I'm trying to save myself from what I want. I'm trying to be reluctant to my inner demon's thoughts of prized possessions. I need to find my way back on land and in reality. I've wandered off too far. It was nice having a little walk but now somewhere in this place, I've got lost. Its frustrating because well, everything it seems to be is just..... it. There's no passion. No honesty. No spark. It's all dull.

" Leave me in the dark or stay with me "

Darkness is the place I've been in for the past recent months. I don't know, I just woke up and the lens in my eyes have all been blurred.  The things I look at now are either blurred or in black and white.  I fell for you but I didn't know I feel for your reflection... or your shadow. I see more of your shadow than your reflection.  I guess I was blinded by your silhouette instead of your true identity. I once praised God for new beginnings but now its a bitter end and I guess we both know why.

" envier "


No matter how much I've moved on, this tiny bit of my damned heart will always have you in it. It still hurts to see
you with him. I can't figure out why. I guess it was the way you made me feel? Did it feel good to make me feel less
than what I actually am ? Love is may be just another ho-hum word. But it needs two people to make it a wonderful
sculpture or a painting. Happiness defines love, it was never about physical appearance, it was always about
two people making each other happy till the end of their time.




LA FIN.

Meeting Myself Halfway

Time flies fast, like seriously. It's June already and the next thing you know, it'll be Christmas. Well, my exams are well, screwed up. I've improved and I've dropped - massively. I just spent two weeks of basically doing nothing and laying on my bed, in the hidden walls away from the reality's light while  listening to Florence + The Machine. But sadly, that came to an end. I went to school. Got my results. Had semi-breakdowns and yeah, that's it.
What happened in school? Well, a lot said that I've gained weight, in another term, fat-ER. So, fatter, darker and angrier has what I've become. It's frustrating because one minute, they're asking me to lose weight and the next, they're thinking I wanna go all anorexic. I just don't know what they want, basically. I have had these critiques for years but I don't seem to show any emotions - that's what they think. It has hurt m before and it still does. Why? Because it is about me. I still do feel ignored and I do feel like an outcast whenever I hang out with my friends. They're all beautiful and handsome and yeah, you get what I mean. I don't really stand out. I'm just this quiet one. It kinda sucks to live at times knowing that no matter how hard you try to make your world revolve around yourself, it fails because when you've built gigantic walls against them, their voices can still be heard and when you're the only one in that void and you're all by yourself, you can only seek solace in yourself. And that sucks because one thing about being independent is, you have to constantly rely on yourself. Not always but most of the time. So I am now working on myself. Its not for them, it was never for them. I just want to feel good about myself for once.
And now it comes back to you, not seeing you for two weeks has been................... bittersweet. The bitter part was that I missed you and the sweet part was my mind was blocked from you for a few days. If I could turn back time, I would. And I would slap some sense into me and make myself turn into the other direction. I don't know. It's just... we don't talk, we don't say Hi or Bye, we never hang out and we never smile at each other. So why am I sad? Why am I sad even though we were never close? I still haven't figured that out. But yeah, of course you and I will never happen. If I ever see anyone dating you or whatsoever, I want that person to realize how lucky that person really is to have a human like you.
And me? I've indulged myself in the art of poetry. I write them everyday while listening to Foster The People or Florence or y'know, the works. Well, I guess that's it. Just studying, improving and waiting for the fourth season of The Vampire Diaries. Cheerio.

Ange au Demon

Looks like I haven't been blogging for weeks. Well the exams are finally over. Fingers crossed that I'll pass. Went through hell. Bipolar's getting worse, hamster died and a load of other fcuked up things happened DURING the exams. Managed to just smile and concentrate on the exams. Of course that came with a price. Bottling up my feelings/ not caring and acting as if nothing had happened. Somehow, you managed to turn my humanity on. Your smile, your presence ignites euphoric, theatrical flames in my heart. Saw a few pictures of you posted by one of your human friends. You looked ADORABLE. And I love your new haircut.  NOW RIP MY EYES OUT. Heaven please make it right, Demons pulling me into the cracks of dawn, drowning me into a void of darkness. Well two weeks of holidays are here. Just gonna focus on homework and stuff. Shall find solace in alcohol. It's a way of exorcising the demons out of me and then possessing new ones. Sort of. I've been hating and loving less, guess that's the price for staying in the darkness with you.
Moving on to the good news, almost done with Season 3 of TVD. Awesome ya'll. Gonna see my cousins. Haven't seen them since forever. Gonna get in touch with the hood, ya'll. I guess that's it. I'll keep ya'll posted.

Looking for heaven, for the devil in me. #56

Been dying to go shopping. It's been a while. I just have to. But no money. Sigh, gonna save and save and save and save. Plan to get a new wallet, some chains and maybe sunglasses. And yes, I'm a sucker for all things vintage. It's just classic with a slight urban twist to it. I saw this vintage-y store in Mid Valley. Damn it, so awesome. Shall plan to check that place out. HEHEHEHEHEHEHE. Yes, I'm those type of people who shops when they're depressed and stuff. Not many people know that about me. So,yeah. Just so stressed out these days. It took a toll on my face. I have like red spots everywhere. Time to upgrade my regime or should I just stick to it?  A bar of soap + sunscreen + zit remover. Heh, maybe not. Gonna go on a Facebook hiatus. Shall be updated through Twitter. The exams are coming. Full on focus, ya'll. And yes, I'm not letting love get in the way. It's so over-rated. No point. Gonna focus and flourish.

The revelation of the night and day.

Here again. Been a rough week. Well, the pressure of going through the exams are conquering the fibers of my brain. So many mixed emotions, I really don't know how to handle myself. One minute I'm happy, one minute I'm depressed and the next I'm yelling PHUCK to almost everyone. Stress. Been having a lot of nightmares recently for the past few months. All involving murders.My British alter ego is a bitch at times. I will be all normal and suddenly I'll be speaking with a British accent. It will go on for a couple of hours or so. Aiden,Aiden. Sigh.
Hope you succeed and maybe earn a few gold medals in your competition. You've earned it. But though this love is going on for moths. I can't take it anymore. My l#ve for you that is. And today, I found out that you're already in an open relationship. I had to find out through Facebook. This ain't any espionage or anything. Just came across it. I already knew that this day would come. It's only a matter of time I found out about this. Crueler mistress, a bargain must be made. It was esoteric for other people, your dumbass friends that is. Anyway, forget you, I'll be on a date with Ceremonials. That's right, Florence + The Machine. ( OCD with them )

What The Water Gave Me.

Shake It Out

Addicted To Love

No Light No Light


These are some of her awesome songs. It's just so beautiful. These songs can be interpreted into deeper meanings and stuff. Love it.

The Road Run Kills But You still Gotta keep Moving.

Still, I like you. I really don't know how to get over you, honestly. It was never easy. I was in the midst of forgetting you when I had the dumbass idea to add you on Facebook. Then as usual, I wrote on your wall and you replied and shiz'. It was our first conversation. And that left me in Square 1 again - Loving you. I know you're going through your God-knows-what competition, so good luck.

Been obsessed with The Veronicas lately. Awesome twins. I wanna have a twin, or better yet, be cloned. BYTHEWAY, KOL FROM TVD IS ADORABLE. DROP DEAD BEAUTIFUL.Okay, I shall turn off my humanity now. It ruins me.

Party? No retaliating here.

Hey Ya'll, been awhile, I know. Been cooped up in my room doing folios and projects + homework. Very stressed out. Have a strange craving for fried food though. Anyway, let's cut to the chase. I went out with Mary, Ritchie, Kuah Chii, Sam and Tynng Han. It was good. I was present but my mind wasn't. It flew to somewhere else. It flew to you. We had lunch @CaribbeanCafe then we went walking and walking.... and walking. Stopped by at every boutique. I don't really like boutiques to begin with but Mary does. You know what they say, if you can't beat em, join em. I thought it was SO INCREDIBLY CUTE when Ritchie helped Mary pick out clothes and stuff. Of course, Sam and Kuah just sat down. Tynng Han was planking. And me? As usual, day dream. It was kind of a STRESS RELIEVER. I was surprised, for girls like Kuah and Sam, they sure hated shopping. But it was certainly nice seeing her. So after that we went to this Taiwanese desert house for well, desserts. It's called SNOWFLAKE (Y). Ritchie gave Mary a treat. This was the part where I went " AWWWWWWW." But Ritchie and Sam needed to go to tuition so they left first. The epic moment when Mary called Ritchie to walk back as she left her wallet and stuff in his backpack. LOL. He did. Sweet of him to do so. We consumed Taiwan's delicacies and went to Guardian because Mary wanted to buy lipbalm. Mary has this phobia of crossing roads so she held my hand. Guardian was just opposite us,so as we needed to cross the roads, I held hers (I did not know why nor did I realize what was I doing). Tyngg Hann and Kuah went Awwwwwww and stuff. I apologized over my behavior and told Mary I'd keep her on a leash next time.( Mary, if you're reading this, Hello.)  Soon it was me,Kuah and Mary. We walked to F Block and other places. Bro came and fetched us home.

It's April & I'm the Fool.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. I managed to prank Jesslyn. LMAO.

" We talked and we kinda hooked up. " I said.
She was like ; " WHAT. CHAT. NOW"
Then I wrote ; " APRIL'S FOOL. :p:p:p "

It was hilarious, but at the same time, was bitter, cause I know it'll never happen. I'll just let nature take it's own course. Been looking at you everyday. You still can't acknowledge my existence. I still remember during Pn Muthu's class, you came into the class and I was like " O.O ". Of course I smiled like a mad idiot. It was awesome.

Another thing is, my humanity. Trying to turn it off or at least reduce it. Feelings ruin everything. So, yeah. No doubt humanity is easy to be turned off, but somehow, it manages to creep back in. Sometimes I let it.

Tonight it's just me and you

Hello. Been aged since I've last blogged. Sorry, was having a life outside of Blogger. Anyways, yeah, still in the same love dilemma. Heading no where. The capacity of my head is filled with that person's pictures. Blood still rises and heart beat raises every time I see that person. You were in my fantasy, in my head you were just another illumination and in real life, it all seems suckish when you compare my head with the downright cruelty of reality. Moving on, that's pretty much it. Pretty obsessed with songs now. BYTHEWAY, WATCH THE HUNGER GAMES PEOPLE ! AWESOME SHIZ'. (Y)

Tonight I'm gonna come alive
Make you forget about your
Nine-to-five
Are you ready for your blood to rise ? <3

Sweet yet provocative.

Chapter 50 : When departures arrive..

I've been thinking for a very long time. It's not worth it. There's no point pretending to be happy and you just have to slip on this mask and go along with the feelings that you don't feel at all. I'll just go on my way. It has been adrenaline in my veins for the past 7 months but that 7 months felt like as if I was dating a ghost. I got no respond, I didn't hear those 3 promising words.I guess that goes to show that that person isn't the one for me.Whatever it is, I'll make it through, I know I will. I'll take baby steps as I go. I know life will be good when everything settles down, so I guess now it hasn't settled yet.

Chapter 49 : Saying hellos to goodbyes

" This is the part of me that you're never gonna ever take away from me. Throw your sticks and stones, throw your bombs and your blows, you're not gonna break my soul. "

" You can keep that diamond ring, it didn't mean nothing anyway, in fact, you can keep everything, except for me. "

" Suck it up. Fake Smile. Move On. "

" No point holding on to nothing."

" Me,myself and I is all I got. Now I'mma be my own best friend. "


" One smile can cover up hundreds of  scars, thousands of tears and one broken heart. "

" I do look at you. I look at you weirdly. Because I've never been able to look at someone like that and think " You are the person I wanna have a future with. "

Another day wasted without talking to you.

I'm back ya'll.. A lot has happened in the past 15 days. Was busy emo-ing,listening to hardcore depressed songs,watching Vampire Diaries and so on. Valentine's Day passed. People,it's a TUESDAY. Oh who am I kidding? All of us have this tiny micro-sized spot for Valentine's Day. Of course, I was being the strong warrior,being this strong independent ass buck I was really breaking down inside. You can have yourself surrounded by zillions of people whom you love but aside from all that,you're pretty darn lonely. I'm pretty darn lonely. I do push my friends away but it's more often these days because I just wanted a moment of my own. A moment where I can think and maybe turn over a new heart shaped leaf. It has been tough - emotionally. To have someone who's just 5 meters away and not talk to you for the whole damn day in many freaking months,it's torture. I am gonna say this, I do deserve love. I deserve love like anybody else. Sure,it's a waste of time,but if you actually compromise,you'll make that time worth wasting. And to you,I have been wasting 7 months missing you and dreaming of you. Could you at least talk to me for once? #$%& !..
I guess that's it, time to go babysit and live my pretty screwed up life. Ciao

#TakeMeToWonderland

Quote, " I don't need true love as long as you love me truly."

Quote' " They say I gotta have a plan, I said " If you don't burn you won't tan."
           " Fuck the haters give me some love."

Quote, " Coz we only got One Life One Life One Life,so live like we just got One Night One Night One Night."

Quote, " She can fuck you good, but I can fuck you betta." ( That wasn't really a quote but it was optimistic)

Christmas & New Years

Hi ya'll. It's been a while. Well, Christmas and New Years passed by. Fast,right? Anyways, I had a mini gathering with the family at my Uncle's house and stayed there till 5.00 IN THE MORNING. The next day I have to go to Cameron Highlands for Christmas. So I woke up at 10 which I only had 5 hours of sleep. God, I was so jet lagged ! I had dark eye circles and breakouts - yes,i'm that sensitive. But I had fun. But on Christmas eve, I went to church for midnight mass. It was for 3 hours. It was okay.I enjoyed the feeling of entering church. Random people just say Hi to each other with a smile. I liked that,I really did. Most people are stuck up these days to even care. So, it was nice. When I got to the house, IT WAS BREAKFAST TIME. LOL. I has my breakfast at 1pm. I had like Beef stew with whiskey and Stout. Turkey. Many awesome stuff. It was a small gathering. No presents coz a lot of my relatives died in 2011.

Moving on to New Years. A few days before the New Years, I sent a message to that person saying that I apologize if I did anything that could be offensive. I waited for days for "it" to reply me. Till this day, no reply. I was hoping for a reply on the 1st of January but you know,I didn't. it's okay. I mean life will still go on. School started. God was I nervous. I am now in the morning session. which means waking up early, sleeping in the shower and stuff. It's fine. But I was even more excited to see that person who still is ignoring me. The best part was when I get to go home at 1 o clock. So I had time to basically chill and take a nap. But fuck that, SERIOUSLY?! I HAD TO BABYSIT A SEVEN YEAR OLD AFTER A  ROUGH DAY ?! I was really stressed out. I mean, be the mother to your child. I'm 15 ! SERIOUSLY. Don't give me a lame excuse saying that you're busy at work. WHO CARES ABOUT THAT?! WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT IS YOUR OWN DAUGHTER. AND STOP LYING TO US SAYING THAT YOU'LL BE HOME BY 7 WHEN YOU'LL BE REACHING LATE. YOU'RE SUCH A BITCH. GROW UP. YOU'RE 37 AND HAVING A CHILD. EFF THE MONEY. YOU CAN GET ANOTHER DECK OF DOLLARS BUT YOU CAN'T GET ANOTHER DAUGHTER. GROW UP. SEE REALITY. JUST UNDERSTAND WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU AND WHAT'S NOT. LIKE THE MORE I SEE YOU, THE MORE I RESENT YOU. GET OVER YOURSELF. I am really trying to focus on my PMR examinations which will contribute to my future and if I fail this, don't even bother talking to me ever again.

On the bright side, I have seen my friends. Not Mary coz she transferred. I still had a bit of fun. Though most of the time I was just faking a smile and a laughter. Still can't believe Gueen will be coming soon after PMR. I haven't seen her in ages ! #excited